Friday, it’s a bit quiet and a colleague says he wants to thank me? Nine years previously, I had arranged a mortgage for a family member and recommended protection too. The client was married with two small children. Life (or rather death) insurance was agreed quickly, but I recommended critical illness protection as well. This would pay out in the event of diagnosis of say, cancer, heart-attack or a stoke, rather than only for death. The cost was much more and the client objected. Reminding him of the two small children, it was agreed that half of the mortgage would be covered and on his life only as he was the breadwinner, which made the arrangement affordable at around £60 per month – he was a smoker. Last Wednesday, he had a heart-attack. On hearing from the insurance company that they will pay out, they can reduce their mortgage but crucially allow him to take time off work to recuperate.

In the business area, meetings to raise £3 million for a new high tech power plant burning scrap timber are proceeding, along with another client who might be able to have a £1 million Management Buy-In allowing him retire much earlier than he thought. Another potential client with a portfolio of exciting ideas has been told by the same MBI people to get rid of one, shelve two and concentrate his considerable energies on one only – interestingly, not the one I originally met him through.

Never mind the credit crunch, but rather “to take account of inflation between 1992 and 2007″ late filing penalties for companies are increasing by up to 4 times or more in some cases, with effect from 1st February 2009. And penalties will double if you are late filing returns two years running http://www.companieshouse.gov.uk/companiesAct/ca_lateFilingPenalties.shtml

Professional Pensions  http://www.professionalpensions.com/836486 publish a survey showing that schemes now have to allow for 11 months longer life expectancy than previously. Visiting the Assureweb comparison site shows that a male aged 65 wanting a level annuity for example, can expect to receive a fraction under 2 per cent less income because of this. Getting the quote means completing several compulsory fields including: post code, smoking and marital status plus occupation. Entering IFA as the latter, throws up the slightly embarrassing response “invalid occupation”! So the above is based on a phantom occupation of: Manager – Bingo Arcade, but you get the idea.

Notable absentee from www.brxbondstreet.co.uk is Maurice Press of www.disabilityresourceteam.com after a solicitor contacted him with a blind client who needed all the property purchase documentation transscribed into braille. Fellow BRX member Jamie Denham has done some nifty animation for SKYGaming http://www.thebestthingsince.com/sb_presentation/CommonTaters/ Visitor this week is Jonathan Kemp of www.smartwisdom.com His Advanced Notetaking courses reduce what one needs to record by 50 per cent and have been scientifically proved to increase comprehension by up to 20 per cent, and on one day only are a gift at £25 for a half-day course.

Over the weekend, it is time for a jamming session at http://www.halfmoon.co.uk/gigs/elastic_band.htm in Putney to celebrate a future brother-in-law’s birthday with some pretty cool jazz players who usually open the Soho Jazz Festival. If jazz is not your thing, there is a long list of gigs for other types of music at this busy venue.

Staying perhaps with the exotic, snake sandwiches and flying boats crop up in a Daily Telegraph obituary  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/4299718/Hugh-Gordon.html and turn up again with Barack Obama in his first book Dreams from my Father. His childhood in Indonesia after his mother remarried, introduced him to “dog meat (tough) snake meat (tougher) and grasshopper (crunchy)”. One day shortly after his arrival, his stepfather mentions that “The boy should know his dinner is coming from,” and watches his friend almost slice the head off a chicken. Not done with this, he throws the body high up in the air which lands with a thud, only for it get up and run around in decreasing circles spurting out blood all over the place, until it collapses quite still. Now we know where the expression “running round like a headless chicken” comes from….

Thanks to Tim O’Donnell of ecademy for educating me about Spaghetti Bolognese referred to in my previous http://www.georgeemsden.co.uk/2009/01/a-pension-swindle-polenta-taragna/ The word that would mean something in Italy is Ragu, a tomato and meat sauce. As well as the usual beef (which might have a little pork added to improve the flavour) in which only we Brits call Spaghetti Bolognese, you might get: ragu di coniglio – rabbit, ragu di viteelo – veal, ragu di cinghiale – wild boar, ragu di anatra – duck or ragu di lepre – hare, but probably not, ragu di serpente – snake!

On my penultimate day as master of Neptune Lodge No. 22, I am invited to an installation meeting with Helios Lodge in Dartford. As usual there is an alms collection and a raffle where the price typically is £1 a ticket or £5 a strip of 5. A common joke here is, “I’ll have a strip please – as long as I don’t have to do one!” A very apt response I was told, as the lodge was originally founded by naturists. Mercifully there was no disrobing, apart from taking off the regalia afterwards. Theme lodges are quite common in masonry with plenty of golf, rugby, legal, medical, police and scouting lodges – there is even a SCUBA one.

Returning to the opening theme of critical illness, this claim was not my first but certainly the most appreciated. In my first claim many years ago, the £55,000 cover paid off the C&G mortgage I had arranged but no thanks, communication or response from the client. In another claim where my colleague’s client received a much larger pay out, the reaction was similar and when he phoned to see if he was OK, the client declined to take the call. People can be strange sometimes.

Twenty years after the start of the collapse of communism, one has to wonder what Karl Marx might think as the spectre of nationalisation of the UK banking system gets closer and giants like RBS are down to 10p a share at one point. You can follow your favourite ones here and even get alerts http://www.londonstockexchange.com/en-gb/pricesnews/prices/

For one firm’s weekly view on life, the financial universe and everything that will fit onto two pages, I do  enjoy the Williams do Broe newsletter out of the many that get sent my way http://www.wdebroe.com/OurLiterature.aspx

Thanks again to the Fool website for a survey showing what Brits refuse to live without in a recession http://www.fool.co.uk/news/money-saving-tips/shopping/2009/01/16/refuse-to-lose-these-five-luxuries.aspx?source=uemfoleml0010038 where one must have or must keep, is chocolate. The site has lots of good stuff but I still get confused after seeing the two founders doing some brilliant marketing on Bloomberg TV some years ago, making the observation that advisers taking commission was rather like doctors being remunerated by drugs companies. Fair comment, but the links to the various provider sites through their own website are presumably there to generate income? If I recommend a product and get paid a commission that is bad, biased or unprofessional, but if a provider pays them for putting business their way, what is that called???

On a happier note and via Friends Reunited, The Green Man in Cambridge http://www.thegreenmantrumpington.com/ is the scene for a reunion of six former primary school pupils and one teacher. Now in his eighties, the latter has published several books and has six on the go currently including two children’s stories. With my brother and youngest daughter in teaching, I have to wonder what they would think of my former headmaster’s practice where school inspectors was concerned. He always insisted that they have a drink before beginning their rounds! It all makes life these days seem a bit serious and educational standards were certainly higher then…..

Interesting that President Obama chose to use the Lincoln Bible which is kept in the Library of Congress for his inaugural oath. George Washington and several other presidents took their oath on on the Bible used by the local St John’s freemasons’ lodge. Many of the leading protagonists in the War of Independence were masons and this shortened the war considerably. The room where the Treaty of Paris was signed which ended the American War of Independence, is in the Lansdowne Club London as mentioned in a previous blog http://www.georgeemsden.co.uk/2007/10/the-pitts-and-the-craft/

One surprise at BRX Bond Street www.brxbondstreet.co.uk is from Gavin Morton-Holmes of  http://www.destinyplc.com/flash/#/home/intro/ Their smart pens enable people out in the field to get handwritten information back to the office via their mobile phone. Invoices for example, can be sent out more quickly rather than the people concerned schlepping back to the office. A company with 30 reps on the road, calculated that this would save them 75,000 miles a year and allow the reps concerned more time with their families not to mention some useful publicity for the company with the carbon footprint saving.

Continuing my July travels for my daughter’s wedding, the Monday after it is time to visit a distant relative in Milano where he is deputy bureau chief for a news agency. The hotel manager kindly points out that the train is very easy and quicker than driving. A return fare of €7 and a journey of 40 minutes take me to the station and he is there to meet me reading a pile of business data. The Italians seem to have life/work balance worked out. A typical example is where colleagues unwind with a glass of wine after work. Interest rate rises (this was July 2008) do not worry a lot of Italians as few have mortgages and when his possible move to London did not happen, he was not too worried.

Come Thursday, I am the last one in Calolziocorte and it is time to head north for southern Germany and visit a cousin who is a headmistress in Augsburg. But with her school term finishing Friday, there is a day to spare and a the chance to visit http://www.kehlsteinhaus.com/the Eagle’s Nest or Kehlsteinhaus Hitler’s retreat in the German Alps. After a long drive taking me through the Brenner pass, I finally find a quiet little hotel in a beautiful little village called Groeding in Austria. With all the build up to the wedding, this is the first time I can really relax and am quite happy to have an impromptu German lesson by watching The Graduate and You Only Live Twice both dubbed in German. Austria turns out to be the surprise of my holiday and is on my revisit list.

15 minutes drive after breakfast gets me to the Visitors’ Centre for the Eagle’s Nest but with a requested rendezvous time of 10 pm, I have the whole day to fill. Perhaps as a way of trying to shed some of the pounds I have put on in Italy, I decide to walk up to the Eagle’s Nest rather than be lazy and take a coach. It is a gloriously sunny day and with half a litre of water, I set off. People descending tell me that it is about an hour’s walk but going up takes two and half hours and I limp to the viewing platform dehydrated and wet, after having been rained on twice. The path follows the old road which must have been used by Mr Shicklgruber (Hitler’s father’s name) and his cronies. The view from the top is spectacular and my climb must have been a kilometre vertically. But with my feet aching so much, I am too tired to visit the museum and several crows happily soaring in the wind as it blows up the hillside add to the discomfort. Ironically, and in spite of the building cost of millions of Reichsmarks, Hitler hardly ever visited the place due to his fear of heights and claustrophobia. The lift doors at the end of a 165 m damp tunnel were polished to help him get over this.

Late evening and my cousin takes me for a slow walk around the beautiful town of Augsburg. A famous statue in the town is Jakob Fugger sometimes known as Jakob the Rich has pride of place on a cobbled street and the eponymous bank is based there. History buffs who have ploughed through the three-volume history of The Crusades by Stephen Runciman, may recall that the Fuggers significantly financed the crusades. Many of my cousin’s charges are celebrating the end of term too so there are some places we avoid, but chatting over a pizza and couple of beers bring on 1 am far too quickly.  No alarms are needed next morning with church bells at 7 am and earlier.

To be Continued.

In closing and in my favourite You Couldn’t Make It Up department, the words of Gordon Brown in 1992 can take us into the weekend “A weak currency arises from a weak economy, which in turn is the result of weak government”.

It’s January and the first meeting of my favourite networking group www.3Cscommunity.org at  UCL Engineering building in Malet Place just opposite where I used to give my swimming lessons. Host speaker is Tim Barnes of UCL Advances http://www.ucl.ac.uk/advances/ which helps fund projects. His introduction posts some impressive facts about  University College: 20,000 students and 10,000 staff, 1 and half times the size of Cambridge University, 2nd largest university research department in the world after Harvard, 1st non-American university to hook into the internet which had been wholly-American up till then, discovered the binding receptor in human cells, opening up possibilities for a cure for HIV/AIDS - making me wonder why we are so modest in the UK about some of our best people?? Geeks, techies and software writers whose businesses are < 3 years old and have a turnover of < US$ 1 million might be interested in contacting them regarding a new Microsoft Initiative called BizSpark.

First speaker Chris Clegg announces a new funding network www.microfunding.co.uk for inventors, investors and managers, the latter being the people who have the skill to bring an idea to market. Most inventors do not have much in the way of business skills and vice versa – investors can participate in  units of £2,500. Stating the obvious, these are high risk and unregulated investments – no investor protection.

Next is Ron Heap with his SolarShades a light portable sunshade that is as simple as any invention gets followed by Jamie Parkins of www.vzaar.com offering a quality service for individuals who want to get a video to their website or maybe if they want to sell something on eBay – his former employer. Depending on the amount of data, prices range from US$5 to US$200 per month.

Next meeting Tuesday 3rd March at The British Library.

Back in the world of politics, life is less optimistic with one law for the Government it seems and one for everyone else. Pensions Guru Steve Bee points out the return assumed by the Government (10 per cent) in calculating Pension Credit http://www.citywire.co.uk/adviser/-/news/pensions/content.aspx?ID=326252 while an even more outrageous return is assumed with Tariff Income. This arises when a claim for assistance with the cost of Long Term Care is made to a (English) Local Authority. If savings/assets are < £13,500  the Lower Means Tested Allowance, full benefit (in theory) should be available and none of it, if these are above the Upper Means Tested Allowance of £22,250. Assets or to give them their proper name here Notional Capital between the two bands are assumed to earn £1 per week for each £250. £52 per annum on capital of £250 is equivalent to an annual return of 20.8 per cent – slightly more than the current 1.8 per cent return offered on Premiums Bonds for example, and one which would solve most investment advisers’ pension problems if they could offer a net return of that order.

My Employee Benefits work in reviewing a Death-in-Service scheme for a client reminds me that it is a legal requirement for an employer to have a separate trust account for any claim proceeds. Mixing any claim monies paid out by the insurer with ordinary trading receipts could end up a real mess - claim proceeds could be taxed for example, the auditors would have a field day and could even lead to litigation from the beneficiaries. This would be all the more sad in this case, as the employer is more generous than the average and offers other benefits as well.

BRX Bond Street www.brxbondstreet.co.uk offers its usual pleasant surprises on our dark Friday mornings. Karelia of www.manseandgarret.com is very busy and gets great deal for a client who had a monthly rental budget of £4,500 for a place in South Kensington. The place she found was originally grossly overpriced at a rent £1,800 a week but the deal is done within budget. A new visitor is personal shopper www.LizAsh.com whose clients are often busy female (and male) City executives. Accountancy Agency proprietor www.rgduncan.com is building up a database of credit controllers which could be of benefit to his client companies. Sending the boys round or litigating may well get the money due, but will probably destroy the client relationship – much better to have decent credit control in the first place.

Great to see ecademy Chairman Thomas Power on http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00gsmtp/Money_Programme_The_Real_Sir_Alan/ as he was the original Apprentice. An interesting point left out of the programme was when Alan (as he was then) spent his last £400 on a old minivan and went round to hi-fi shops selling anti-static mats for record player turntables. With no money for stock, he had to give a one-week post-dated cheque for his first van load but having sold enough for cash after 3 days, he paid the cash over and took back the cheque. The rest is history as the saying goes, and if he were starting now, one doubts if he would be very worried.

Continuing my Italian journey from the two previous week’s blogs, the day after the wedding is rather quiet and one guest from Japan has to fly back quickly. Pictures of me relaxing by the lake remind me of jokes about beached whales but I am still able to swim. Ordering food in local restaurants is interesting. Requests for spaghetti bolognese are politely but firmly shrugged off – wrong part of Italy and perhaps not far off walking into the wrong gate at a football match. There is plenty of other gorgeous food to choose from with my favourite being polenta taranga. The black polenta used here is a mixture of maize and buckwheat and it is cooked with grated parmegiano regiano or parmesan as we Brits call it. The texture is rather like a very thick porridge and doesn’t give me the indigestion that pasta or pizza does. Efforts to find an Italian deli which sells the black polenta mixture in London have been unsuccessful so as usual, a bottle of wine to the reader who helps me here. Luigi Terroni & Sons in Clerkenwell Road next to St Peter’s the main Italian Church in London, would have kept this but sadly closed in August 2007.

To be continued

With less than 3 per cent of our gas imports from Russia, we in the UK can count ourselves fortunate compared to some “Near Abroad” countries in Eastern Europe where some are 100 per cent dependent. It turns out that Russian spending plans are based on an average oil price of US$70 a barrel and the Bear needs us more than we need them. For an interesting analysis see: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/russia/4163658/Russia-and-Ukraine-gas-crisis-The-frightened-Bear-is-up-for-a-fight.html

Proving that the world or maybe the universe generally stays in balance, the credit crunch offers plenty of new opportunities. Over a lunch of sandwiches and orange juice, an investment manager points out the opportunities in some corporate American bonds for example, which have been oversold and where returns of about 20 per cent a year look realistic for the next 5 years. Part of the background here is that for the last few years, investment managers have been able to earn much more money crunching data at a hedge fund than doing the same thing at a “long only” investment house i.e. one that picks shares etc for their different portfolios. In troubled times like these, some clever and even very clever people panic and will dump their holdings at any price, creating opportunities for people who are more patient. This is not without risk and this type of fund is certainly not for widows & orphans, but opportunities are out there.

The much predicted Bank of England Base Rate cut to 1.5 per cent yesterday does nothing for any recovery and mainly penalises savers many of whom are retired. Pensioners are quite used to tightening their belts especially in the UK where the State Pension is generally lower than the equivalent in Europe. Being of Anglo-German descent, it used to puzzle me on my lovely long summer holidays why my German grandparents seemed to be better off than my British grandparents. The former had lost everything when they had to flee from East Prussia in 1945 but it did give me the occasional thought Who really won the war?

Getting back to Bank Rate, leaving things alone at the previous level of two per cent would have added a little stability and low interest interest rates now mean higher ones in a year or two when inflation starts again – just in time perhaps to spoil Christmas 2009. For the moment, the Government basically prints money so we feel slightly better now, and can count itself lucky that my grandchild’s generation that will have to pay the interest on this debt and pay it back, does not yet have the vote. The flip side here of course is that with inflation, the debt is paid back with pounds that are worth less than the ones which are borrowed now.

A banking friend points out why banks may be reluctant lend as some of the capital taken from the Government carries a coupon of 12 per cent. With this millstone, there seems little point in lending it out at half that rate and how many borrowers could afford 12 per cent on their mortgage anyway?? Even lending it at this rate would not cover their overheads nor the credit risk as there are always people who default, no matter how carefully you screen borrowers.

In the first meeting of www.brxbondstreet.co.uk Michael Sincliar of http://www.chinaONEcall.com reminds us that from 29th January 2009 we will be in the year of the Ox and we are finishing off the year of the appropriately-named year of the Rat. A more sobering gem comes from Maurice Press of http://www.disabilityresourceteam.com/ who points out that only 8 per cent of disabled people are born that way plus the news that Anne McGuire is the new Minister for the Disabled - pub quiz fans please note.

To finish on an uplifting note and continuing from last week, my marathon drive to Calolziocorte in Italy for my daughter’s wedding, saw me in bed at 4am after two cold beers thoughtfully provided by the hotel manager. Rising next morning, coffee on the sunlit veranda is a relief with the family but there seem to be more men standing round gossipping than anything else. This all seems very strange for a macho Latin country but these guys are retired and it seems their wives eject them from the house after breakfast so they hang around smoking and chatting in large groups until it is time to return home.

Italian weddings do not have father of the bride speeches but I have some images of my daughter in my laptop and I need a projector. Fortunately, there is an equipment hire place 2 minutes walk away with enough gear to put on a pop concert in a football stadium. The projector is quickly produced but getting it to talk to my laptop and pick up the images stored in there takes 3 men including my then future son-in-law 90 minutes.

As expected the local food is fantastic and on the big day, I stroll down to the place where my No.1 girl is getting ready with usual sound of ladies upstairs helping her. The groom’s father is driving us to the Town Hall for the civil ceremony conducted by a lady registrar. After a previous Italian wedding where the priest delivered a 40 minute diatribe resulting in most of the congregation leaving early and concluding with the immortal words The perfect woman is a silent woman, both partners had unanimously decided not to have  church wedding. A reminder if one was needed, that priests in the Catholic Church don’t marry.

Five little flower girls, rice and plenty of photos have us ready for the journey to a former monastery for the reception. The photos on the Town Hall steps are done in order from seven pages of notes, as the Maid of Honour reminds us I don’t do disorganised! While the guests all park, the happy couple slip away only to make a grand entrance on a gipsy caravan twenty minutes later pulled by a tractor. In spite of warnings to avoid nibbles, the fresh Permesan cut into small chunks melts on the mouth fried sage leaves and other goodies just keep arriving and then we sit down to lunch at 1pm.

Italian weddings are not formal and quite noisy. If you wish to pop outside for a chat or a cigarette, no one minds. Six courses later, it is time for a Pause as everyone seems stuffed. The band start setting up and an hour later three more courses. Now it is my turn for my father of the bride speech and thankfully, the technology works. With 100 people and an audience not used to this sort of thing, I need to start three times and my Italian pronounciation is good enough. With a lump in my throat and a few tears from the room, it is all well received and no translator is needed for Complimenti!

To be continued

Predictions from the start of a year are not a bad place to begin and thanks to my chums at Transact for their view here:

January 2008: the five biggest investment banks in the US are Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs. Three have disappeared (completely or have been subsumed into another organisation) and none exist solely as investment banks.
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are the world’s largest independent mortgage houses. Now, the US government is the world’s largest mortgage house.
AIG is the biggest insurance company in the world. Now it is basically an agency of the US government.
December, the National Bureau of Economic Research http://www.nber.org/cycles/recessions.html admits that the US has been in recession since December 2007.
In the UK, Northern Rock, RBS and Lloyds TSB (and HBOS) have effectively been nationalised.
October 2007, mortgage loans granted in the UK are £8 billion. October 2008, the comparable figure is £459 million – 5.7 per cent of the previous figure. Getting a mortage is painful as it is like dealing with lenders when they have the auditors in where the latter know very little about them. As the writer said, you could not make this stuff up.

Investment business is quiet and where some holdings are being liquidated, we are staying in cash for now. For budding entrepreneurs, my favourite networking group http://www.3cscommunity.com/ meets again 14th January.

As a portent of things to come http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/pensions/4046014/Adults-could-be-forced-to-take-out-private-insurance-to-cover-nursing-home-costs.html Again the UK seems to be following the example of Germany which introduced this pflegeversicherung a few years ago. Since the Germans invented the state pension in the first place, perhaps we should not be surprised http://www.georgeemsden.co.uk/2006/05/a-little-more-reality-returns-to-pensions/

All of which makes me think of the happier things in July 2008 where (equal) top of the list was my daughter’s wedding in Italy. With a year’s notice there is plenty of time to plan but we being human, something always crops up. Obvious choice for me is to fly and hire a car but wanting to stop off and visit family around Germany, I find I cannot hire a car in Italy and leave it in say, Netherlands, so I am in for a marathon drive. Car serviced and luggage packed, I have no trouble waking up at 4.30 a.m. to drive to Dover to catch the 8.00 ferry. Nerves are slightly on edge as I am carrying my daughter’s wedding dress and a sister’s bridesmaid’s dress plus some goodies for the wedding breakfast. Praying that Sod’s law will happen to someone else and with the feeling like I am carrying the Crown Jewels I set off in the morning twilight. Half expectedly, I am quite early but panic when asked for a slip of paper that I am supposed to have been given when I present my ticket at the docks? Turns out it is on the floor and after a chat with a German glider pilot, we start to board. Glider trailers are easy to recognise, being long and thin and it seems he enjoyed the competition he came here to participate in.

Two hours on the ferry to Dunkirk and the hour time difference have us off the boat after 11.00 local time with 782 miles to go according to an RAC route planner. The route is south past Rheims, Dijon and while the long way round is simplest via Lyon and then turning east, signs for Geneva encourange me to cut off a long corner on my route. The Audi flies along in France but the mountain roads in Switzerland and Italy are naturally slower and the speed limit in the Mont Blanc tunnel is 75km/hr. There is little traffic here and guessing that there are CCTV monitors, the cost is a €32 toll, unlike one of the wedding guests who picked up an on the spot €150 speeding fine as well.

In Italy now, I am driving away from Monte Bianco in the direction of Torino. Signs for Milano are visible and I am approaching from the west and feeling quite pleased as after Milano, Lecco is to the NE. Thoughts that I might be there at midnight are dashed when we are diverted off the motorway at 10 pm. The Diverzionne all seem to say Milano and we are now being steered south around the city. A full moon is up and as we all drive through various suburbs, we are going east and then north and it is time to ask for directions as I am lost. Finally, I get some useful ones from security guards on an industrial estate who can speak French but not English, and I am heading north in the direction of Como. A respectable 70 -80 mph feels like walking as several cars pass me at over 100 mph (160 kph) and I reach lake Como. The lake is like an inverted “Y” and I am at the SW bit. Lecco in general and my particular destination Calolziocorte, are on the SE bit so I head off east. At least there are signs for Lecco but none for the latter. Thinking of asking for directions again, there is a smartly-dressed young lady, cigarrette in hand, waiting by a brightly lit roundabout but at one-o-clock in the morning, it occurs to me that her directions might impede my progress rather than help it.

Lecco is reached at 1.30 am. My mobile is not showing any signal so I cannot call my daughter – easily cured I found out later by switching the mobile off and then on again. A lorry driver with his Tom Tom shows me I am 15km away from my target and other directions find me back in Lecco. I have been driving since 11 am but the Red Bull and espresso can only do so much. If I do not get there soon, I will have to get some rest in the car. Few people are about at 2 am and asking ladies for directions is a bit difficult, as few want to talk to a stranger at that time. Spotting one lady in a mini who has stopped to open her apartment doors, I am at last given proper directions to Calolziocorte which is further along a road I had driven along 20 minutes before. Thirty minutes later, the carribinieri flag me down to my intense relief. One of them speaks English and when I explain that I am really glad to see them, they more than surprised. Calolziocorte is a few kms away (still no signposts) and after explaining why I am driving round at that ungodly hour, I am given a fast police escort to my hotel. This means getting the manager out of bed at 3.50 am and with well over 800 miles on the clock, I park the car at the bank next door. On reflection, it would have been nice to have had the sirens and blue lights as well, but perhaps one can’t have everything….

To be continued.