Plenty of time for pensions next year, so back to my fascination with life across La Manche.

Why do so many young men volunteer for an organisation that is by its own admission, brutal? see 5.  http://www.legion-recrute.com/en/faq.php?SM=0 Different writers have their own reasons. For the many eastern European volunteers these appear to be economic – even though the majority appear to have done military service already. Jaime Salazar’s book (see heading – ISBN 978-0-425-21015-4) is the latest and only one I have read written by an American, though there are earlier accounts. It is an enjoyable read with plenty of historical anecdotes and a welcome break from the planning for 2010.

The Preface describes his desertion, done partly to get his own back on sadistic officers whose records will be blemished as a result. In 1999 at the age of 25, he gives up a cushy graduate career with Siemens to go Europe and enlist. Nationalities tend to stick together in the Legion with a mafia Anglaise, mafia Russe and so on. New recruits include a blue-eyed Berber from Morocco whose forebears were implacable enemies of La Legion where their women carried small curved knives for castrating prisoners – seem to have heard similar stories about the North West Frontier, ironically where we are fighting now, but I digress.

First day corveé (cleaning duty) includes smartening up an old Renault hatchback with a FREE BEER sign next to the barrack’s phone number, driven around town to entice recruitment! First deserter is a young Corsican boxer who had left his wife and children where the chorus of a marching song “Who are you? Don’t I know you?” proves too much. Jaime turns out to be a good marksman and if you fancy yourself as one, there are several tips dealing with finger pressure, breathing and so on.

First months of training over, all the members of the mafia Anglaise end up or as he put it, are dumped in the 2ème Régiment Étranger de Génie (2REG) in Saint-Cristol d’Albion in Haute Provence -  the middle of nowhere, as he puts it. The isolation leads to drug taking, boredom and violence. None of them has requested this posting and only one makes it to the elite 2ème REP parachute regiment, generally considered to be the best part of the Legion. The 2ème REP is France’s Force d’Action Rapide and included a pathfinder unit Commandos de Recherche et d’Action dans la Profundeur but with the unfortunate initials CRAP, has since been renamed Groupement de Commandos Parachutists GCP.

The Legion’s performance in the first Gulf War led to a special mention by General Schwartzkopf and an invitation to march through Times Square in the victory parade, the only foreign unit to be allowed to do this since WW2. In return the General is made an Honorary Legionnaire. Jaime mentions that this is an honour not even extended to President Charles de Gaulle but then with his withdrawal from Algeria in 1962 and his abandonment of the pieds noirs, perhaps that is not surprising. Day of the Jackal by Frederick Forsyth springs to mind here.

Some recruits are given driving duties but one who managed to nearly kill his examiner on his driving test, is later posted to a heavy vehicle unit.

One thing life in the Legion does not improve is chatting up the ladies. In his former life, he had no trouble in attracting female company but months in a brutal macho environment do not improve conversational skills. Some ladies find the young Legionnaires attractive but many ladies he previously got on with, find him less so. All is not lost, and when he finds two attractive blondes, asks his best pal to join them to make up a foursome. Biggest worry is that his pal will spoil things by resorting to his favourite topic of conversation, how quickly he can dismantle and clean his rifle!

Perhaps my fascination with La Legion is how different cultures handle the violence and the rigour. This is shown in a conversation with a Japanese legionnaire who has a particularly hard time due to his problems with the French language and is mentioned in previous books about the Legion. European languages being mostly of the Indo-Aryan family, can be picked up relatively easily by people who have grown up in Europe, but Japanese has nothing in common with any European language. In a heavy vehicle driving test, he is unable to understand which way his instructor wants him to turn – à gauche (left) or à droite (right) so he drives over the roundabout instead, resulting a severe beating. In a conversation about desertion, his answer is “Don’t worry. I have made my choice.”

After arriving back in the USA, Jaime’s parents are glad to see him but are shocked by his drinking habits which are still as if he were in the Legion. Eventually, he decides to go back and face the music as he does not wish to spend the whole of his life as a deserter or fugitive. Presenting himself nervously at Aubagne (where life begins and ends in the Legion) a brown envelope is produced with his passport and few other personal effects. This is opened and he is informed that he is now an ancien or former Legionnaire and he is free to go.

The Afterward tells how his friends fared. The Japanese apparently deserted after being made to stand outside all night holding a snowball on his head resulting in several weeks in hospital. An American who nearly killed his military driving instructor on his basic test finally got his American driving licence and the author is now in the oil and gas industry. None of the Russians deserted and most reenlisted at the end of their 5 year contract. Some legionnaires can’t hack civvy street and in the UK  for example at one time about 25 per cent of the people sleeping rough in London were ex-Armed Forces, although support for people leaving is now much better.

For those of you who missed it, a summary. For those of you who saw it, an update.

Thursday morning and a colleague calls me at home in London ”Have you checked your e-mails?” He and several hundred other people have received a spoof message from my personal Yahoo address asking them to send money, as I have apparently been robbed at gunpoint (in the USA) and need US$ 2,550 to get home. Three messages in the Inbox are from Yahoo asking me to confirm changes including an unknown e-mail address which has been added ixfame@yahoo.com  Logging in and answering the questions, ends with a message that my e-mail account is locked until further notice.

With my Yahoo list inaccessible, I quickly send an e-mail to my blog list followed second one quoting a copy of the reply a client received when she responded to the original message. Sunday comes and I can finally get in to my Yahoo Mail and it looks like a professional contact has been corresponding with my virtual self during the time I have been unable to access Yahoo. The messages are sordid to say the least, alleging that this guy’s wife has left him (for me in New York!) that he is threatening suicide, why don’t you call? etc. Monday morning I open up Yahoo Mail and there is a message from the guy’s office:

“We regret to advise that Mr NNN has taken his own life over the weekend and was found in his office this morning.The police have been called.”

With thoughts of my probably having to attend an Inquest, my instinct is to forward the e-mail to a family member who knows the person concerned but perhaps I should check with his office? A receptionist answers and after asking my name again, asks me to wait. “How are you, George?” he asks and is obviously alive and well. He sees about 12 of these horrors a year so was not fooled. As far as the mystery e-mail address is concerned, a search via www.emailfinder.com shows nothing listed other than a location in Sunnyvale CA. Not sure if this person is anything to do with the goings on but question now is, do I spend US$100 getting a name?

On the positive side, forty phone calls and a similar number of e-mails shows me how many people care so in some respects it has certainly proved to be a Season of Goodwill. Thanks again to everyone for the concern and good wishes. Four people that I know about were about to send money and one tore up his cheque after my first message.

Advice for future protection includes changing passwords and having a dummy e-mail address as the first name in my address book.

Now it’s time to get back to Earth including preparing for my appearance next Tuesday 29th December 5 – 7pm on BBC London 94.9 FM Eddie Nestor Drive Time Show where I will be talking about pensions http://www.bbc.co.uk/london/content/articles/2005/05/04/eddie_nestor_person_profile.shtml

Have a good Christmas/Festive Season in the meantime.

The PBR unravels as detail shows gaps in the government’s figures http://uk.reuters.com/article/idUKTRE5B944P20091210 the 2.5% state pension rise doesn’t apply as said and projections show that by 2017 our standard of living will be back where it was in 2001. People buying annuities might benefit as Government bond prices drop after the markets look at the small print and don’t like the maths or the conjuring tricks  http://www.moneymarketing.co.uk/pensions/annuity-rates-should-surge-after-gilt-price-plunges/1003863.article But perhaps I am contradicting myself here as there is already plenty of analysis and comment on the Pre-Budget Report, so let me concentrate on the very enjoyable public speaking masterclass from Saturday.

For some people (including one high profile IFA) public speaking is the most terrifying activity on the list of things that they would rather not do. In some surveys, it even tops stressful things like divorce and moving house. Phillip Khan-Panni’s masterclass lives up to its name as the main attraction at a Professional Speakers’ Association workshop. Saturday morning, 10 of us meet at RIBA in Portland place opposite the Chinese Embassy and its today, solitary protestor from Falun Gong. Founder of the Professional Speakers Association of Europe, Phillip has won more public speaking contests than anyone in Europe, including seven times, the UK Public Speaking Championship not to mention the World Silver Medal, a record so far unequalled in Britain.

Exploration of oratorical devices like metaphor (most of us know that one) hyperbole, tricolon, anaphora, epistrophe (Martin Luther-King’s “I have a dream” perhaps being the best known example) alliteration, rhythm, rhyme and symploce is included. But the most obvious and important point might be to try and think from the audience’s point of view “What’s in it for Me?” followed by the heading. In other words, it’s about them rather than you and is the most common mistake made by speakers around the world.

Using anecdote as well, most interesting story is about Demosthenes and Aeschines. http://www.answers.com/topic/demosthenes Former was the son of an arms manufacturer who died when he was 7 so his estate was managed by his two bothers and a friend. These trustees stole or mismanaged his father’s money and as soon as he reached his majority at 17 and against advice, he famously sued them and won with the power of his oratory. More remarkable was the fact that Demosthenes was a sickly child with a spastic shoulder and a stutter. To stop the shoulder twitching, he hung a spear over it so it hurt him if it jerked and for his stutter, famously spoke against the roar of the waves on the shore with a mouthful of pebbles. Aeschines was his political opponent but while people applauded politely when he spoke, Demosthenes could rouse them to action. As Phillip put it, if your purpose in speaking isn’t to make change or create action, what’s the point?

As an exercise to strengthen your voice, avoid a trip to the seaside and the risk of swallowing a pebble plus keeping your carbon footprint small, try this. Hold a pencil in your mouth with your teeth as far back as it will go, and practise saying tongue twisters http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-some-american-tongue-twisters.htm

Prior to being a professional speaker, Phillip worked in media sales and was given a job of managing an advertising space salesforce for the Daily Express. Brief was simple – double our sales or You’re fired! Five simple rules helped him achieve this and help plan for any business appointment:

* why am I here?

* why should he/she see me?

* what can he get from me which he can’t get from anyone else?

* what do I want at the end of my presentation?

* what is the least I will settle for?

Writing out your introduction before any speaking engagement will help your host/introducer and best to undersell yourself so the host can do that bit for you. Good also to send this to the host in advance, always keeping a spare copy as these do get mislaid.

Regarding your content, most of it will be basics, followed by differences that matter and crucially your USP. If you don’t what that is, progress will be hindered.

The 10 of us who attended include:

* a project manager who rationalised his networking as too much of it was NOTworking

* a retired policeman whose subject is police history – popular with WIs

* a former speech writer for David Cameron – services might be needed soon

* a former advertising man just returned from a speaking event in Iran where the people in Teheran are wonderful hosts. Seems President Ahmadinejad is very unpopular, the ladies hate having to wear headscarves in public and the speaker is told not to shake hands with any of them. Most ironic are security people in the audience taking notes of any political transgressions, just like in the days of the Shah.

For Phillip’s next book From Blank Page to Draft in 15 Minutes and his others see www.pkpcommunicators.com

If you’re brave enough to see the second Dementia BBC programme by Gerry Robinson referred to last week in http://www.georgeemsden.co.uk/2009/12/was-our-chancellor-ever-in-the-foreign-legion/ then the link is here  http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00phjk0/Can_Gerry_Robinson_Fix_Dementia_Care_Homes_Episode_2/

Ask and it shall be given unto you. Seek and ye shall find……but for marketing nous, hats off to the Co-op who are going to prison for new customers. Their initiative started in a private prison in Manchester in 2006, with the result that prisoners who have a bank account are much less likely to reoffend than those without a bank account. Not having one can make it difficult to get a job plus having one open already makes the guys concerned feel more integrated and less excluded from the rest of us  http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/dec/03/bank-accounts-prisoners-co-operative

Gerry Robinson’s BBC programme on long-term care and dementia showed two sides of the care issue. http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/search/?q=gerry%20robinson Many homes pay their staff not much above the minimum daily wage and very few allow any time in their duties to have a daily chat with their charges. In some cases, conversation with another resident or carer is about 6 minutes a day (usually at mealtime) and they are left washed, fed and dressed staring into space all day. In contrast, in the more expensive £750 per week home where there was interaction and conversation going on, the residents looked happy and healthy. Reminded me of visiting a relative in what was considered to be a good care home a few years ago. Walking into the lounge, some faces would light up when they saw me, only to drop again when I carried on to the room where my uncle was.

Ever wondered about a lingering smell in some care homes? Simple explanation from an owner of 10 care homes who diplomatically described the cause as anti-social behaviour. Seems a few of the residents would rather use the carpet than the toilet and even with steam cleaning, a trace lingers on. Care can be at home of course, see  http://www.caringandsharing.info/ and look forward to episode two of Gerry Robinson’s mini-series.

But on the day of PBR and all the changes with it, a strange thought occurs to me – was our Chancellor of the Exchequer ever in the Foreign Legion? Have now read four books about Brits in the Légion étrangère (don’t ask) so while not an expert, have at least done some homework. Extra inspections, drill, marches are done for the sake of doing them or done in the most complicated way are the most annoying memory. OK all armies have this  to some extent, but the Légion étrangère deems to have more than its share and so does this government. A never ending series of pension & tax changes makes you wonder if the Chancellor sees us as raw recruits to be knocked into shape or perhaps he is following Salvation Army founder General Booth’s philosophy “The Devil finds work for idle hands”.

According to my most recent read Dairy of a Legionnaire by Gareth Carins (spoiled by poor proof reading with howlers like kepi blanche) there are usually plenty of people wanting to join. In his intake, there were so many it took 3 weeks rather than the usual 1 or 2 weeks to process them. Most of the rejects were from eastern Europe apparently and their awful teeth was their downfall with less than 5 per cent of the original group chosen for basic training.

But back to Pension Simplification which started in 2002 and has become an oxymoron. Recent changes announced in the PBR of 9th December reduce from £150,000 to £130,000 the level where previous changes take effect. Plus the way in which this relevant income is calculated has now been changed, meaning pension advice for people making chunky pension contributions, has to be revisited – in other words, more fees for advice. The way recent ISA allowance changes were introduced for example, with different allowances for people over the age of 50 are another.

And please don’t get me started on HIPs (Home Information Packs). A significant part of the previous few years of house market activity was from people who put their house on the market to see the level of interest generated. If the interest was good, then a sale might happen which benefitted everybody including the government. Now with a £300 cost of a HIPS before you can show your property, few are inclined to do so. Just the sort of hindrance you need in a weak property market when people can’t get mortgages because bank and building societies are not really in the mood for lending. Conversations I hear sometimes from colleagues trying to get their client’s mortgage arranged border on the surreal, making me wonder if I should start a website with a title something like www.stupidmortgageconversations.com Perhaps naming and shaming would loosen things up a bit, not to mention providing some entertainment and enough ideas to start a new Monty Python or Little Britain series? The domain is available at time of writing…

But on the point of regulation, let me leave the final word to Miles Templeman, Director General of the Institute of Directors “As a nation we face some difficult choices. We either squeeze public spending, taxation and regulation, or all three will squeeze the life out of the UK economy.”

Time moves on. The dashing hero is in a home. Unable to get out of his bed without assistance, he finds himself in a ward of people mostly worse off than he is and a few who don’t know where they are or what day it is. If he has been careful with his money he may be able to afford to pay for his own care costing up to £50,000 a year in London and maybe £20,000 + in the provinces. If it has all gone, his local council should be paying for it. If his assets fall between the upper (say, £23,000) and lower (say, £12,500) notional capital limits, a tariff income test is applied. Each £250 of capital is assumed to earn £1 a week. With 52 weeks in a year, £52 income from a lump of £250 equates to 20.8 per cent a year – slightly more than anything offered by the Government’s own National Savings http://www.nsandi.com/ Were a private company to try this sort of policy, it would probably end up featured on a special programme on Despatches, Panorama or consumer programme.

A similar test is applied in applications for Pension Credit http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/On_a_low_income/DG_10018692 where the same weekly return is applied on each £500 lump of savings.

But care is in the news again with the recent Care Quality Commission http://www.cqc.org.uk/ report suggesting that there should be a fitness and propriety test for owners of the UK’s 24,000 residential care homes or in other words, a licence to care. Fitness & propriety are not words which roll easily off the tongue, but are very relevant to the world of financial advice.  A fitness & propriety test is part of the authorisation process for financial advisers  http://www.fsa.gov.uk/Pages/Doing/Regulated/Approved/persons/fitness/index.shtml where the question is “Is this person the sort of chap we want giving financial advice?” For a summary of this report see  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/elderhealth/6720669/What-will-it-take-to-sort-out-our-care-homes.html

Understandably, some care home owners are rather fed up and some go out of business every week partly due to some local councils refusing to pay the full rate. In a home of say, 30 beds, carrying one person that is doing it “on the cheap” may be viable but with a couple of underpaying council people, the financial viability of the whole business is at risk. Sometimes the home closes, so granny has to be moved to a home miles way or one that is not so comfortable. If you think care homes are expensive, compare their cost to that of a local hotel. Chances are that the cost will then seem more reasonable, but everyone has limits to what they will or can pay.

Proving that the path to hell is paved with good intentions red tape prevents simple outings that would make all the difference to someone stuck in the same room or lounge all day. In the same vein, our policemen only spend an average of 6 hours a week out of the office, spending the rest of the time catching up on paperwork. Even better, the recent environmental regulation on CO2 emission for lorries has put people out of work. A client with a fleet of lorries had to replace them when the new regulations came in just over a year ago. New lorries are more expensive, so the business can only afford nine lorries instead of the previous ten, and one chap gets his P45.

Plus there are some things which regulations don’t cover, as a previous home owner client told me years ago. Against stiff local opposition from Equitable Life, I set up my first SSAS as well as arranging a huge amount of life cover for the borrowings. Visiting his new home was very pleasant with a warm welcoming atmosphere. Still remember seeing a new piano in the bright lounge where the residents were chatting happily. Sharp contrast to other ones I had visited where a smell of boiled cabbage is the main memory.

Anyway, client has opened his new home with plans for others, having originally arrived in this country with no money and training as a chemist. Regulations for homes are heavy and involve working closely with local councils. Plans for opening the second home are well advanced, and my client gets a phone call from Head of Social Services hinting that the job as manager of this new home should go to his wife?? Client declines this offer and once the home is open, the council march in and close it down on the grounds that there has been a breach of various regulations. Lender panics and calls in the receivers to run the home. Unsurprisingly, they don’t run the home as well the owner and everything goes downhill. A tribunal is called eventually, but its chairman dies shortly after proceedings start. Everything has to be done again and it restarts a year later. Eventually, the verdict is that the Council abused its powers but by this time the corrupt official in question has been quietly pensioned off and the council has spent over £250,000 on legal fees. In the meantime, client’s wife has had a nervous breakdown, is on anti-depressants and is down to six stone in weight.

Last news was that client was still fighting for compensation with assistance from Federation of Small Businesses http://www.fsb.org.uk/default.aspx?loc=general&id=0 Hope he receives my Christmas card.